You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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