She's JV to your varsity
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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