Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
