my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
