i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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