Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
