He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
