the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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