1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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