if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
