my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
