i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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