I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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