I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
