Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
