Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
