Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
