Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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