i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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