Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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