Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
