Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he thought i was a dude.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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