Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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