i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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