i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
