I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
