the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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