she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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