Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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