Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
