If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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