last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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