What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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