It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
