Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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