I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
