How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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