This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Alive.
So much puke
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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