She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
