Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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