I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
