She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
