Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
