oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
