I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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