So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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