I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
