Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize