I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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