My first STD was from a foam party
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's always time for handjobs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
