Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
