The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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