people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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