you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize