You don't have asthma, your pregnant
420 ftw
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
