I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
