he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
