I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
