Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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