I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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