Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can you bring me the toilet please
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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