New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
