You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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