This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
