My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
