I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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