Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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