Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
