haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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