I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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