i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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