It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
