He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
