He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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