it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
