Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
