He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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