today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
