I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He has the fingertips of a God
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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