You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
