Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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