If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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