The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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