Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
